ByThe first time I was raped I was 16 years old. The night exists for me in a series of flash-bulb images that I can neither piece together nor erase from my memory, despite years of trying. I’m still not sure if it was my fault, even though I know it wasn’t.I don’t think about it very often anymore, but every few years I revisit the spiral of shame, and guilt.My last clear memory was stumbling away from the crowd, looking for a place to sleep. I was drunk really drunk.
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I was being a typical teenager: acting out, rebelling – trying to distance myself from a goody-two-shoes image. Before that night, I had only been to a couple of parties, most of my wild stories were embellishments. My parents were known for being strict, so I didn’t get invited out very often. I wanted desperately to be part of the cool, older crowd who drank and smoked cigarettes. I was thrilled to be at the party, drinking cans of Coors and tossing them in the back yard of the kid whose parents were out of town.
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The narcissist is an exhibitionist and will want sex in public and/or dress inappropriately (tight clothes without a bra or jock strap) and says it was an accident; The narcissist will send pictures of their p.s or breasts wanting to know how they rate. They will insist their partner send pictures for them to rate. Sex And The Narcissist. In the 1970s, some of you may remember the man who stripped naked and ran across the football field. A behavior humorously referred to,.
I realized my ride had left without me, I was feeling sick and disoriented and needed to sleep until I could walk home. I found an empty bed, it was a child’s bedroom, I was going to lie down for just a few minutes.I’m awake and it’s dark. He is inside me. Who is on top of me? “What are you doing?” He grunts. I try to push him away but my arms are weak.
“I don’t want to.” I try to pull my underwear up, they’re around my knees. He pins my arm down.
“Please.” “Shhh.” “I’m going to be sick.” “Shhh.” He’s getting angry. There’s a crack in the door and I can see wood paneling in the hallway. He finishes on the child’s bed, next to me. He wasn’t wearing a condom. He gets up and walks out. I want to run away, but I’m ashamed and I don’t want anyone to see me. I cry myself to sleep.I’ve known my rapist since childhood. He was one of the cool kids at my school, a popular jock who was older than me.
The next morning, his friend called me a slut and said “don’t worry, I won’t tell his girlfriend.” His girlfriend found out, and soon everyone had heard what a slut I was. Somehow I was more comfortable with being a slut than with being raped, so I accepted it.And I never told anyone, until now.I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m afraid my step-father will read this, figure out who it was, and confront my rapist. I’m nervous about how he’ll feel when he realizes he inadvertently teased me about the events that happened after that night. I forgave him but I’m afraid he won’t forgive himself.I’m afraid the people in my home town will call me a liar, and judge my parents.
I live 3000 miles away now, but my family will have to deal with the backlash.I’m afraid for my rapist’s wife and children.But today I’m facing those fears, as much as I can handle at a time. Today, this blog is the beginning of an idea that may or not become big. It’s still anonymous, but that’s okay.
It’s all I’m ready for, just yet.When you’re ready, and want to share, I’m here. We’ll do this together.
There are many reasons why you might decide to become “the other woman” in a relationship, but be sure to consider the potential consequences, both for his wife and family and also for your own emotional health. If you do begin an affair, remember to be discreet by avoiding public places where either of you might be recognized, and never post photos of your relationship on social media. Keep things fresh and fun by planning special weekends away and enjoy being together in the moment for however long you have!
Have clear expectations and an understanding of your role in his life. Know from the get-go that you’re not going to be his number one priority.
Don’t expect him to eventually leave his wife (and if that’s something you want, you might want to reexamine your motivations for being his mistress). If you can keep things clear from the beginning, you can have an enjoyable affair for much longer and can save yourself from unneeded frustration and heartbreak. When the relationship starts up, it may be helpful to have a brief conversation about what each of you expects—let him know you don’t expect him to be your boyfriend and that your main interest is having fun.
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AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
March 2023
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